I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That reminds me...we need to get swords
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
