im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
