The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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