I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
