just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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