Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
