I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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