And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
