The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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