weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I puked a lego.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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