It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
