ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
