Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
