We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
