I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
