i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
