first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You were trust falling into bushes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
