True but thats because hes a fetus.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
