I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
even my farts smell like vagina
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
