he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
