Just cropdusted the office
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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