it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
