Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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