She's JV to your varsity
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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