So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
