Operation Purity has been aborted
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
