mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There's always time for handjobs
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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