hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
