he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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