you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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