I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
