trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
