I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
