I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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