I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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