Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
