i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
