theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
