insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Randomize
