Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
