I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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