I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
