i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
