Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
