mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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