I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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