If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
