You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
