someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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