No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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