And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
