I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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