Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
