My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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