I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
