Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
