who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
