Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
