I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
