when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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