Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
