glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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