i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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