So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
