Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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