It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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