we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
