dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize