bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
